my birthday present...tears

i really don't know what to say..
i wasn't really happy..but i know i am blessed with a caring and cheerful parents..

some of KNOWING ME on my birthday :
i may look happy, laughing, and smiling..
but in me, i may not be happy..
(i don't know why i can act myself so well)

today about my dog..
i think for days,weeks..till i realise i can't do anything..even if i want to do so, desicions are made by mum..

but after going to the japanese restaurant and ate lunch with my mum, we talk subjects we didn't want to talk before,and mum try to avoid talking about this subject(whenever i talk, she will shift topic)..about my dog..(this was my motif -i paid for the meal which i think this is the best meal of all and is worth my paying)

the atmosphere in the house is so down..
so quite and feels like thats a death in the house..
something missing..
my mum's sick..


i don't know why..

so we talk..
and mum decided to hear and sort it out..
at first my mummy doesn't want to put the dog to sleep(pts)
but after talking , ya, there are things we can't do..we really don't want to do..
but ....

human ?
human are cruel things..
and human does cruel things for their own good..
i don't want to be cruel , but i am a human..

guity..
you don't have to be guity on what people thing..

scared..
of course everyone will be sad..even if one day my dog pass away..i will also be sad..
why not shorten my dogs pain and shorten our sadness..

regret..
since it's done, there's nothing to regret..
in my life, i don't have anything i regret for..

love..
i hope you have receive much love..

i know dog doesn't have spirits..
but i pray to my god..
can u make an exception
let me meet my dog in the place we will have eternity..

i know that won't happen..
dogs doesn't go to heaven..
but can't my dog be an exception..
i try to plead..

maybe one day..one day..one day..
i am able to help millions of dogs just because of my dog..
i don't know if that one day will come..but i hope one day..one day..one day..one day..it willl be a miracle..

sorry..
i'm sad..
i try not to think..
happiness i get i won't forget..
but there are many other reasons..which i will not tell..





colours,colour my life..